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The Avengers (2012)

Steve Rogers: Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you? Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Steve Rogers: I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you. Tony Stark: I think I would just cut the wire. Steve Rogers: Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero. Tony Stark: A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle! Steve Rogers: Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds.

To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself, which is tantamount to indentured servitude or prostitution, depending on what state you're in. You can't have it. My old man had a philosophy: peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy. Pepper, I've been called many things. Nostalgic is not one of them. Oh, I'm sorry, it is ME. You asked. What your asking about, it's me. Which happens. Dad's leave. No need to be a baby about it. Here's what I need: A laptop, a digital watch, a cell phone, the pneumatic actuator from your bazooka over there, a map of town, a big spring, and a tuna fish sandwich. Hey Sparky, over here. Don't tell me things I don't already know Spangles. What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me. Alright. Hey. Alright. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it. Listen to me, that little witch is messing with your mind. You're stronger than her, you're smarter than her. You're Bruce Banner!  Right, don't mention puny Banner.... Ultron: Stop comparing me to Tony Stark! Stark is a sickness! Tony Stark: Aww, Junior, you're going to break your old man's heart... This is going to be like finding a needle in the world's biggest haystack... fortunately, I brought a magnet! Tony Stark: Alright then, so if I lift it, I then rule all of Asgard? Thor: Yes, of course. Tony Stark: I will be re-instituting Prima Noctae. Rhodey: That's a first. You scared off a woman. Tony Stark: Easy to do when you look like Frankenstein. Pepper Potts: Are you going to be okay? Tony Stark: I'll be fine. Pepper Potts: Says the playboy billionaire who makes things go boom. Rhodey: Are we even pulling? Tony: Are you on my team? Rhodey: Just represent. Pull!

Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them. Yeah, that was just previews. This is - this is opening night. And Loki, he's a full-tilt diva, right? He wants flowers, he wants parades. He wants a monument built to the skies with his name plastered... Thor: Do not touch me again! Tony Stark: Then don't take my stuff. Thor: You have no idea what you are dealing with. Tony Stark: Uh, Shakespeare in The Park? Doth mother know you weareth her drapes? Thor: This is beyond you, metal man. Loki will face Asgardian justice. Tony Stark: He gives up the Cube, he's all yours. Until then, stay out of the way..... tourist. Natasha Romanoff: [all arguing in the lab] Are you really that dense? S.H.I.E.L.D. monitors potential threats. Bruce Banner: Captain America is on threat watch? Natasha Romanoff: We ALL are! Tony Stark: [to Rogers] You're on that list? Are you above or below angry bees? Steve Rogers: I swear, Stark, one more wisecrack out of you... Tony Stark: Verbal threat! Threatening! I'm being threatened! Steve Rogers: Is everything a joke to you? Tony Stark: Funny things are. In a few hours I'll know every dirty secret S.H.I.E.L.D. has been trying to hide. Blueberry? No hard feelings, Point Break. You've got a mean swing. Raise the mizzenmast! Jib the topsails! Tony Stark: What's the vibranium for? Ultron: I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan... Maria Hill: All set up boss. Tony Stark: Actually he's the boss. [points to Captain America] Tony Stark: I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler. Tony Stark: Crap! Steve Rogers: Language! Loki: The Chitauri are coming. Nothing will change that. What have I to fear? Tony Stark: The Avengers. That's what we call ourselves; we're sort of like a team. "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" type thing. Loki: Yes, I've met them. Tony Stark: Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that one. But let's do a head count here: your brother the demi-god; a super soldier, a living legend who kind of lives up to the legend; a man with breath-taking anger management issues; a couple of master assassins, and YOU, big fella, you've managed to crap off every single one of them. Loki: That was the plan. Tony Stark: Not a great plan. When they come, and they WILL, they'll come for you. Loki: I have an army. Tony Stark: We have a Hulk. Loki: I thought the beast had wandered off... Tony Stark: You're missing the point! There's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it. Steve Rogers: Big man in a suit of armour. Take that off, what are you? Tony Stark: Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Steve Rogers: I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you. Tony Stark: I think I would just cut the wire. Steve Rogers: Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero. Tony Stark: A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle! Steve Rogers: Put on the suit. Let's go a few rounds. Tony Stark: [regaining consciousness] What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me. Steve Rogers: We won. Tony Stark: Alright. Hey. Alright. Good job, guys. Let's just not come in tomorrow. Let's just take a day. Have you ever tried shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is, but I wanna try it. Loki: Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity. Tony Stark: Uh, actually I'm planning to threaten you. Loki: You should have left your armor on for that. Tony Stark: Yeah. It's seen a bit of "mileage" and you got the "glow-stick of destiny". Would you like a drink? Loki: Stalling me won't change anything. Tony Stark: No, no no, threatening! No drink? You sure? I'm having one.

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